EP26: From Boys to Men: Breaking Out of Suspended Adolescence
“Boys seek escape. Men seek purpose.”
Welcome back to the Your Frequency Shift Podcast with myself, Karis, and my husband, Nick. After a long hiatus, we’re back on the couch with conversations that cut deep into the reality of modern life, love, and leadership.
In this episode, we tackle a confronting but necessary topic: suspended adolescence—when grown men remain stuck in boyhood patterns, avoiding responsibility, chasing comfort, and numbing out through distractions.
This conversation is both a wake-up call and a roadmap: an invitation for men to put down the controller, release the excuses, and step into the sovereign masculine presence that their families, communities, and partners are longing for.
Key Discussion Points
What Is Suspended Adolescence?
Defined as the psychological and cultural state where men remain mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in boyhood long into adulthood.
Symptoms: lack of clarity, avoidance of responsibility, numbing behaviors (porn, gaming, substances, endless scrolling), and blaming others.
On the outside, life may look like success; inside, there’s chaos, reactivity, and disconnection.
The Cost of Comfort
Culture rewards passive consumption: Netflix, gaming, porn, and endless entertainment.
But masculinity is forged in resistance, not comfort. True men create comfort rather than consume it.
“Boys seek escape, men seek purpose.”
The Missing Rite of Passage
In modern Western culture, there’s no clear initiation into manhood. Boys are expected to “just grow up” at 18 without guidance.
Without mentorship, brotherhood, and symbolic thresholds, many men remain stuck as “dudes” instead of stepping into leadership.
“The boy must die so the man can be born.”
Tell-Tale Signs of Stunted Manhood
Lack of ownership or integrity (not impeccable with their word).
Reactivity, defensiveness, and avoidance of feedback.
Isolation and absence from brotherhood/community.
Success on paper but chaos in relationships and inner life.
Treating their partner like their mother — then wondering why polarity and intimacy are gone.
What Initiation Looks Like Today
Choosing hard things: resistance training, lifting heavy (physically and emotionally).
Solitude & self-inquiry: sitting with yourself, facing your shadow, asking “Who am I? What is my purpose?”
Brotherhood: finding men who won’t let you hide, who hold you accountable.
Rituals of letting go: retreats, nature quests, symbolic thresholds that mark the death of the boy.
Rebuilding the inner father: reparenting yourself, holding yourself accountable, and creating safety from the inside out.
Personal Reflections
Nick's Perspective
Nick reflects on his own journey through suspended adolescence and what helped him cross into manhood: mentorship, facing discomfort, and reclaiming self-leadership. “If you can’t lead your own impulses, you can’t lead your home, your business, or your life.”
Karis's Perspective
Karis shares how women have been forced into masculine roles because men have remained boys. The cost is exhaustion, resentment, and broken polarity. “When men step into leadership, women can finally rest in softness again.”
Conclusion
Suspended adolescence is not about age — it’s about ownership. Some men in their 20s are already sovereign leaders, while others in their 50s remain boys in disguise. The shift begins with choice: to let go of comfort, face resistance, and claim the honor of responsibility.
Reflection Prompts:
Where in my life am I still seeking escape instead of purpose?
What comforts am I willing to release to step into my power?
Who are the men in my life who won’t let me hide, and where do I need to seek accountability?
If you’re done circling in boyhood and ready to step into something real, this is your moment. The shift doesn’t happen later—it happens now.
Listen to the Full Episode
Don't miss this inspiring conversation! Listen to Episode 26 of Your Frequency Shift Podcast:
Share Your Insights
We'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode!
Share your experiences and insights in the comments below.
