EP28: It Didn’t Start With You — But It Can End With You
“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what happens inside of us when we’re left alone with our pain.”
— Gabor Maté
Welcome back to Your Frequency Shift Podcast, the space where we explore what truly shapes our lives, our relationships, and our legacies. I’m Karis, joined by my husband and co-host, Nick. Today we’re opening a three-part series on authenticity—what it really means to live a life that’s yours, not just a patchwork of inherited wounds and old scripts.
In this first episode, It Didn’t Start With You — But It Can End With You, we explore how generational patterns, epigenetics, and unconscious family scripts shape the way we think, feel, and act—and, more importantly, how we can break free and reclaim our authenticity.
Episode Summary
IIn Episode 28 of the Your Frequency Shift Podcast, Nick and Karis unpack the roots of inherited trauma and conditioning. Drawing on insights from Mark Wolynn, Gabor Maté, Florence Scovel Shinn, and Michael Neill, they discuss how family patterns get passed down, why survival strategies keep us stuck, and what it looks like to unlearn false selves in order to live authentically.
This episode offers practical wisdom, personal stories, and reflective prompts to help you recognize what’s not yours to carry—and take back authorship of your life.
Key Discussion Points
The Weight of Inherited Patterns
Epigenetics: Trauma and stress can echo through generations, shaping emotions and behaviors.
The First Bully: “The first bully most of us ever had was our parent’s pain speaking through them.”
Mark Wolynn’s Insight: “We can inherit and unconsciously repeat the trauma, the pain, and the feelings that don’t belong to us.”
Scripts and Labels We Accept
The subconscious mind accepts whatever words are spoken over it—without argument.
Roles like “the lazy one” or “the perfectionist” become inner scripts until they feel like truth.
Florence Scovel Shinn: “The subconscious mind accepts the words spoken over it.”
Survival Strategies vs. Authenticity
People-pleasing, guilt, and the inner critic—all survival responses that helped us belong but now keep us small.
Brené Brown: People-pleasing isn’t kindness; it’s armor.
Gabor Maté: Addiction and anger begin as coping mechanisms, not character flaws.
Choosing Authenticity
Authenticity isn’t about building a new self—it’s about unlearning the false selves.
Real freedom comes when you risk disconnection and choose authenticity over attachment.
Parenting impact: when you rewrite your script, your children inherit your freedom—not your bondage.
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Personal Reflections
Nick's Journey
Nick reflects on his work with clients and his own journey of recognizing inherited rage and shame:
“Survival strategies don’t equal authenticity. They keep you alive, but if you want to live—not just survive—you have to rewrite the script.”
Karis's Experience
Karis shares the breaking point that led her to go no-contact with her parents—a decision that came with grief and guilt, but ultimately allowed her to protect her children from normalizing dysfunction as love. “I couldn’t be both a good daughter and a good mother. I had to choose.”
Conclusion
ruly are. This episode reminds us that we don’t have to carry the weight of inherited scripts. We get to unlearn, reclaim, and rewrite.
Reflection Prompts:
Whose voice do I hear in my self-criticism?
What label was placed on me that I’m ready to release?
What would authenticity look like if I wasn’t afraid of being the villain in someone else’s story?
Thank you for joining us for this first episode in our authenticity series. Remember: you don’t have to live the story you inherited—you get to write your own.
Don't miss this inspiring conversation! Listen to Episode 28 of Your Frequency Shift Podcast:
Share Your Insights
We'd love to hear your thoughts on this episode!
Share your experiences and insights in the comments below.
